Not so tall order for tacos

Last weekend I was warmly greeted by a younger friend who works at a museum that I was visiting for a new exhibit reception. Emma remarked how much she loved the boots she saw in a recent photo that I posted on Facebook and how she wished she had legs to wear such footwear. The skin-tight Vera Wang thigh-highs are the pinnacle of my boot purchases in terms of both price and accentuating my gams.

I instantly thought to return the kind words and remark how envious I am of her tiny waist. Instead, I smiled broadly and told her that the gift of a woman maturing is the realization to embrace her gifts versus bemoaning what she doesn’t have. Since my conversation with Emma, I have thought of my second fastest date.*

*ref: 'Fastest Date the in South', Aug. 4, 2011

Bruce and I had a few weeks of email conversation on Match.com. He was a horologist who had lived in the Northeast, Colorado and now Texas. He seemed witty and thoughtful, so when he asked to meet for a bite, I had no reservations.

Velvet Taco is great for small bites and breezy conversation. I knew that we would both arrive in our respective two-seater convertibles on this nice fall day. We both listed 5’9” as our height, and I was wearing kitten heels. I believed that eye contact would be made.

I arrived first and stood at the back of the restaurant waiting for Bruce before joining the queue. His neutral expression turned grim as soon as he entered and saw me. Wearing a cute dress and a friendly smile, I decided it would only take a few warm words before the anxiety of our first meeting would melt away. No. His brow furrowed as he asked me to remind him how tall I was. The top of his head came to my shoulder. When I reconfirmed my height, he replied, “I guess that I should change mine to 5’8”.” I couldn't help but think, “No, you should change it to what is the correct measure.” 

As we approached to order, he squarely chose a different cashier than me. I ordered my favorite two tacos and water. When my cashier asked if this was here or to go, I softly whispered, “To go.”

Bruce and I headed to a small table outside as we waited for our names to be called. Conversation was strained, and I was beginning to feel frustrated by the prejudice I felt for something I had no control: my height.

When my name was called, I politely told Bruce that I could tell that he was disappointed when he arrived and that I was uncomfortable. I was going to take my dinner home and wished him the best.

Once I collected my thoughts, I wrote to him on Match.com to apologize for the manner in which I left, and that it was only because I felt he was not enjoying himself. I never wish to waste anyone’s time. He asked me to meet him again. I politely declined, and his annoyed attitude reappeared in subsequent messages.

I am not proud of my actions. I have since recounted that date many times to determine how I could have handled better. Nevertheless, Bruce seemed to be fixated on his perceptions versus reality. I just didn’t want it to happen on my watch.

Cricket guests on 'Friske Business'

Though I have not posted in more than a month and have cancelled the Internet show, it is not because I have not dated. But because I have been using my own three tips of dating (see 'Ghosts of dating past haunt the gym' post), there is little room for the remarkable stories. In dating and medicine, 'remarkable' is not necessarily a good adjective.
However, TOMORROW, Thursday, Dec. 15 at 3 p.m., Cricket will guest on 'Friske Business' along with comedian Paul Varghese at Deep Ellum on Air.
http://www.deepellumonair.com/friskebusiness.html
We will share unusual online dating profile photos and a few of my recent dating highlights: flowers, dimples and the text message moratorium.
Tune in to watch the show live and call 214-752-DEEP (3337) or send a chat message. The complete show will be available to watch throughout the week.

Ghosts of dating past haunt the gym

Last week Sylvia came over for dinner. She brought a beautiful flower bouquet and a hyper-active mind to talk about dating. She confessed that she’s been on Match.com for a couple months and was ready to give up. “Why?” I challenged.

She went into a litany of all the wrong men she is meeting and their quest for the second date. We strategized how to let them down easy if she wasn’t reciprocating their interest.

After drinks, appetizers, the main course and clearing the table of the last dish, Sylvia looked me squarely in the eye and asked, “What are your three tips for online dating?”

Befuddled, I paused to understand why she was asking me.

I met Sylvia almost three years ago at a Texas Hold’em party at a common friend’s house in Oak Cliff. We immediately bonded as she was from the Ukraine, and I had lived in Eastern Europe for some time. But most importantly, we had both recently ended relationships with our hearts broken.

Sylvia knew of 'The Big D's' blog and that I recently started a weekly show at Deep Ellum On Air about dating (www.deepellumonair.com/thebigds.html). I tried to explain to her that the Internet is free and that my show does not constitute me to be an expert. Nevertheless, friends give friends advice, especially when demanded, so I conceded.

Today I was working out at my gym during lunch time, and so were three men whom I have dated who illustrate each tip:

1.      Have fun. As soon as I approached the elliptical machines, I saw Jim. Jim and I sent a few messages to each other through Match.com, but it was because of common friends’ high regard for Jim that I made the effort to meet him earlier this year. Our first date was five hours. From Spanish tapas to Malbec wine, we crisscrossed Cole Avenue.

Jim is intelligent and has a similar educational background. He has been divorced for a few years and is deeply devoted to his daughter. I felt that I was being screened for child appropriateness, but I was enjoying myself. He said goodbye with a kiss. It felt presumptuous, but after a five-hour date, it probably wasn’t. The next week we went for sushi and crossed to the other side of Mockingbird Station for a beer.

During the week between the two dates and confirmed with our conversation that evening, we discovered that our desires for intimacy and communication differed greatly. No one said the words, but that was our second and last date. We realized that our definitions of fun were too different.

2.      Pay attention. Ex-boyfriend Andy entered the gym as I was mid-way through my cardio. Though our eyes did not meet, I knew he saw me. As he walked toward the locker room, he held his head down. Andy was the most painful relationship of my adult life. He contacted me through eHarmony three years ago. He called me every night for two weeks straight. He seemed to be interested in every sentence that I spoke. His photos showed bright blue eyes and a big bright smile. I was vested before we had even met.

Our three months together were exciting, anxious and deceptive. After a month, he told me that he loved me. That same night he told me that he was a bad person.

Some days we spent countless hours together: brunch, motorcycle rides, grocery shopping, cuddling and non-stop banter. Some days he could not be reached.

Though we took a beach vacation together, I never met one of his friends. Well, there was the birthday party for the girl who never talked to us. I wasn’t sure that we were actually invited.

Andy was a human roller coaster. I never had the stomach for roller coasters, and ultimately, as much as I thought I loved Andy, I did not have the stomach for him. After the split, I spent months that turned into years noting all the red flags that I should have paid attention to in the first place. I will probably never know if Andy will benefit from rehabilitation, but I definitely rehabilitated from Andy. My instincts screamed at me throughout my time with Andy, but I ignored them because I listened to Andy tell me that I was just neurotic. Ever since, I proclaim and celebrate my killer instinct.

3.      If you are not attracted or interested, find the exit. The last 10 minutes on the elliptical, Brian boarded the machine next to me. Brian is hard to miss. He is a ‘silver fox’ as his profile name reads. I looked in his direction with a smile on my face ready to give a quick ‘hello’. His entire face had a grimace, and he never looked my direction. As I completed those last few cardio moments, I reflected on our singular date and realized that the grimace should not surprise me.

Brian and I met for drinks at a McKinney Avenue bar this summer. He is recently divorced and has two teenage daughters. He felt jilted by his ex and was determined to warn his daughters.

Brian worked very hard during my two drinks (and his four) to keep the date and the conversation going. He elicited shock when he proclaimed, “I look good naked.” At that moment, I knew that I never wanted to find out.

I attempted to leave gracefully. As I unlocked my beach cruiser, he talked of second date ideas and my bicycle ride home. I smiled, gave him a hug and wished him well.

When he wrote the next day, I explained that I did not think we are looking for the same thing. He agreed, so we both finally reached the exit.

As I left the gym, I felt a deep sense of peace. Though my workout doubled as an episode of ‘Ghosts of Dating Past’, I felt content. I regretted nothing and noted everything. My three tips to Sylvia seemed off the cuff at the time, but as my heart rate slowed, I realized: Instincts, sensibilities and personal preferences are unique to each person. My tips are to acknowledge and allow for individuality. If we are paying attention, attracted and having fun, that’s when the apparitions fade and the real connections appear.

Blog goes to Deep Ellum ON AIR

The Big D's joins Deep Ellum ON AIR

Dating in Dallas transplanted to Vegas for the weekend. Blog post coming soon. In the meantime, if you want to contact The Big D's, learn all the Vegas trip details and more, visit Deep Ellum ON AIR on Tuesday, Oct. 4.

The Big D's launches a weekly Internet show on Tuesdays from 8 to 9 p.m., on Deep Ellum ON AIR at www.deepellumonair.com/thebigds.html.

Watch and call in LIVE at 214-752-DEEP (3337) on Tuesday nights or watch the show anytime streaming throughout the week at www.deepellumonair.com/thebigds.html.

Open to opportunities in lieu of plans with a man

Jacob is my karaoke buddy. He’s younger than me in age, profession and spirit. Jacob can belt out Audioslave or Queen like nobody’s business.

Getting weary of the online dating scene, I narrowed my focus to my immediate surroundings. I called Jacob and discussed our innocent flirting as we pondered if it could become more. He was sweet and gracious as we left the conversation as something for us both to think about.

Three weeks later Jacob posted a karaoke opportunity on my Facebook. Neither a place nor a night we have rendezvoused before. I was game.

Leaving the office I headed to Plano for two evening work events. As I readied to get back to Dallas, Jacob had text that he fell ill and could not make it. Finding my way back to 75 South, I called my girlfriend Veronica who lives in Plano. She was just finishing her early evening plans. My karaoke plans came back to life as she and I met at the End Zone Sports Bar & Grill.

The night included work and guy talk, a ‘Faithfully’ duet and conversations with Jim the middle-aged Zumba enthusiast, Carlos the Venezuelan gymnast and Angel, who had the voice of one.

Akin to a good date, Veronica text the next morning saying what a great time she had.

Over my Saturday morning coffee I reflected how Veronica stepped in as my Friday night karaoke date, and my tentative date plans for that afternoon …

Earlier in the week, I had conceded to James’ Match.com messages to talk on the phone. We are both from small East Texas communities, but it seemed, from there, our life paths diverged. Toward the end of a pleasant conversation, James asked for an early evening date on Saturday. I suggested that we take a couple cruiser bicycles around Dallas. We were to get back in touch to discuss logistics.

By Saturday afternoon my friend Miranda called to take me up on my suggestion that we ride soon, which was a reply to her Facebook post that she bought a cruiser. We met at my condo, rode to Stella McCartney’s new store in Highland Park Village and enjoyed a sandwich and conversation on Cedar Springs.

As dusk arrived, James’ call hadn’t.  Again I marveled how I had plans with a man, but a girlfriend stepped in as my date. Laughs, topics and pearls of wisdom were never in short supply with Veronica or Miranda, and they shared my love of karaoke and bicycling. This weekend was a good reminder that plans may change but when open to opportunities, great times can still be had.

Celebrating the moment: a nice first date

A month ago I emailed Sam on OKCupid because I really liked his photos and profile. He seemed kind and had passion for his work in medicine. After a few back-and-forth messages, we agreed that I would call him the next day. I did and left a message. Never heard back.

This week Sam contacted me. By his message, I could tell that he did not remember that we had already communicated and the voice mail was in his court. I was still interested but reminded him of our initial contact. Sam did not retreat in his interest.

Impetuous, he asked to meet out the night he contacted me. I was tired. The next night I was out, dressed to kill and emailed Sam an invitation to meet me out. He was tired. He asked if we could go out Friday.

By Friday afternoon, both of us were spent from a long week of work, but we had our first phone conversation. The two-hour conversation intrigued me out of my yawns. Sam asked me to come over and watch a movie. I declined explaining that no amount of messages, conversations and sharing photos of ourselves can replace in-person chemistry. I suggested some place neutral. We decided to go for sushi. He offered to pick me up, and I accepted.

As it got closer to the time he was to arrive, I began to slightly panic. Why did I accept a ride from someone I do not know? I began to use my Google prowess: first name*, city, employment. BINGO! There he was: headshot, job title, credentials, even a co-worker he mentioned.

The drought-breaking drizzle that escorted me from my condo to his car felt as refreshing as his appearance being even better than his pictures. Conversation never ceased as he opened doors, walked beside me and grabbed for the check without hesitation.

The restaurant was closing. The drizzle turned into rain. Sam drove me home and offered to come in to see my condo. Another time, I replied.

Throughout the night I found it easy to compliment: he smelled great, I liked his smile and upon goodbyes, I asked if I may kiss him on the cheek. He asked, “The cheek?” I responded by going from the cheek to the lips. Soft lips.

Sam has texted since what I considered to be the perfect first date: short and sweet. However, Sam’s premature invitations are to be noted. Will there be a second date? Only time will tell.

*Sam’s real name is unique

Stars in his lies

Steve was persistent in sending me messages on OKCupid. He began by asking me out for the same day as his message. After no response for a few days, he pleaded for any response.

I did not respond to the first couple messages because it was a Saturday, and a girl’s got stuff to do. Though Steve’s photos were of a fit, attractive man, something in his narrative didn’t feel right, so I chose to ignore those first messages.

Upon receiving his last-ditch attempt, I revisited his profile to try to pinpoint exactly what it was that I did not like. Couldn’t find it. I appreciated the candor and tenacity of his messages, so I thought, “Why not?”

I agreed to meet for a drink during the week. I was punctual. He was early. We sat at the front corner of the bar of a trendy Henderson Avenue restaurant.

He looked eager. I casually asked about his day, and that seemed to put him on the spot. Conversation segued into the idea of being ‘present’ in life. Enjoying the moment. Seeing the truth in situations. I adore talking philosophically.

The philosophical took an astronomical spin. Steve began to describe a red dwarf star that was nearing Earth, and within two months, this star will have a strong gravitational pull on our fare marble as it aligns with the sun and a few nearby planets. Not necessarily apocalyptic, but severe tectonic plate shifting. Steve said many people will be troubled by this. He encouraged me to find my peace and get my life in order.

I was over the moon! This is the type of conversation that Hollywood writers get paid to put on television, but I was getting in real life and treated to a cocktail at the same time!

As I continued to listen, Steve talked about work. He works in the fitness industry and has big ideas for a business venture. I will not divulge details as this was in confidence.

As he detailed the future of this business venture, he kept tripping over his words. The ex-wife sounded not so former but present. I asked, “When did you and your wife divorce?”

“Well, it's just a matter of the paperwork now,” Steve replied.

My light disposition fell grave. He lied. His profile stated single. As I stood to go to the ladies room to compose myself, I said, “I do not date married men.”

“This isn’t a date,” Steve replied. Moments after paying our tab. Buying me a couple drinks. At a restaurant. Just the two of us.

I could not leave his presence fast enough. How’s that for being present?

Steve was a reminder that I don’t need to pinpoint what specifically my instinct doesn’t like. But if I don’t listen to it, I will see it when the stars align.